A visible sign of my own

“Every little thing… is gonna be alright” crooned the reggae singer as I drove away from the meeting. My head was swirling with thoughts as turbulent and destructive as a tsunami. When the wave finally broke on the beach and the mental chatter subsided again I heard “Every little thing’s… gonna be alright” on the radio. I could almost see the sandy Jamaican beach, palm trees swaying softly in the breeze. I felt the wave of calm lap up over my toes and encircle my feet with a gentle but firm tug encouraging me to ‘Let go; let it go.’ I smiled. I love it when the universe’s presents are so visible. Sometimes a sign is just what’s needed to bring things back into focus.

“Turbulence is a life force. It is opportunity. Let’s love turbulence and use it for change.” ~ Ramsey Clark

The meeting didn’t go as we’d hoped: the very big project- the biggest project a key client has done in almost a decade- had been awarded to another company. We knew going in that we were not given the same material costs, guessed the price was higher by a substantial margin and it was true. Later my boss said I looked like I was going to cry when we were told we weren’t going to be doing the work. It’s true; that’s how I felt.

In the seven years that I’ve been working with this client their budget for even the most basic of maintenance and upkeep has been nonexistent. How are they now, all-of-a-sudden, able to do a project of this magnitude? Part of me is frustrated and angry that they are doing such a major project now without us. Why in the world couldn’t this work have been spread out over a number of years?

Then there’s another part- a smaller, quieter part- that wants to focus on the positive, wants to appreciate all the business we have done with them over the years. Oh, but the mental wrestling- WWF ‘Friday Night Smack Down’ style- is fierce! I do my best to remain focused on appreciation but the negative keeps breaking through. “And she’s down on the mat! Will she get up? Folks, it’s quite a struggle happening here. The ref is counting and no, she’s lost the fight!” Well, lost for that moment.

Now, weeks later and after much discussion with friends, my bosses and especially with my sister’s guidance, I understand that it’s not our work they don’t like; it’s not anything we have or haven’t done. It’s business. It’s not personal. And while that’s easy enough to say, it feels personal because it’s my work, my client.

There’s a beautifully apropos song called “Everything Must Change” that I’ve come to know through a local vocal treasure named Debbie Duncan. It’s a favorite of mine both because she is such a talented artist and because its message is so true it almost hurts. There’s no clip of her singing- at least that I could find on-line- so here it is by Mister Quincy Jones:

everything must change quincy jones - Google Search

(OMG. I can hardly believe I finally figured out how to get that clip in the body of this post! One giant step that most of mankind made years ago; one small leap for me!)

Years ago I watched a program about a young woman who was taking a ferry between two foreign lands. The boat started to take on water and quickly began to sink (talk about your harsh ferries…). As the passengers clamored to keep a hold of what remained of the boat, fights broke out. The strong fought to keep their place on top as others less agile or weak were forced away. The young woman knew if she was going to survive she’d have to go out on her own.

She swam away from the boat and floated alone in the wide open water for days. Sun burnt, exhausted, dehydrated and hungry she thought she couldn’t go on. Then, out there in the middle of that ocean with no land in sight, an apple floated toward her: a perfect red apple which she plucked from the water and ate. It was a sign of good things to come as not long after that she was rescued by a passing ship.

In the interview I remember her speaking of abundance and goodness. After almost sinking on a ship, after being beaten away from the only refuge by her fellow passengers, after floating alone in the open sea not knowing if she’d ever be found, after all that she spoke with compassion of the other passengers and the tragic situation in which they all found themselves and of her determination to survive.

Throughout my unexpected journey I have visualized myself floating in a wide expanse of water and reaching out for that apple. It’s what I see when I say ‘I live in an abundant world. Everything I need will be there for me when I need it.’ Much as the young woman experienced, there were times where I felt I’d reached my limit and couldn’t go on and then, frequently, there it would be waiting for me: a visible sign of my own.

There continue to be many gifts that reaffirm that I am not alone, I am loved, and I am connected to a well-spring of abundant beauty. So in this current economic climate of change I choose to trust that there will be enough work. I choose to believe that new connections will be forged. Life is an ongoing opportunity to see what you believe. If you believe there is enough, there is. Keep your eye peeled for that apple: it’s yours when you need it…

I know every little thing’s gonna be alright,
Karen