It's about faith

As you may have inferred from the last post which included some of the beautiful art peppered throughout the Mayo buildings, we met with our beloved surgeon Dr. Boughey, pictured to the left, on Thursday afternoon to discuss the surgery that has now been scheduled for Monday October 22nd. We have such confidence in her and know that the surgery will go beautifully.

While it is true that the incredible shrinking spot was going to be removed eventually the plan was to complete the chemo sessions first. My oncologist Dr. P is concerned about the long-term effects of the neuropathy, numbness and tingling that effects the nerve endings, in my fingers and toes. In a pin test she did to check the level of sensitivity I didn't do as well as she would've liked. We discussed the options and decided to schedule the surgery for next Monday down at the Methodist Hospital in Rochester which is part of the Mayo system. It is an out-patient surgery and we will stay there that night and coming back later on Tuesday.

This is certainly one way to get a break from chemo for a while... hmmm, wait a minute- surgery?! Let me rethink this plan! But it will allow my feet and hands to regain feeling, let me get my strength back for the final sessions of chemo and provide some time to catch up on all those PBS shows I've taped over the last six months but haven't had time to watch. With another pledge drive around the corner I need to open up some more tape space...

The tentative plan going forward is that once I've recovered from surgery (three weeks) I'll resume chemo but at a lower dose for a longer time (six weeks of weekly sessions) with the radiation following (six weeks of daily doses M-F). This change in plans does lengthen the time for treatment but it's just a short term addition to the overall long term positive outcome. It's a plan we all feel very good about.

I will say that I have been none too thrilled about having to have surgery and really don't like the thought of being radiated- who would?! (It's not done to vegetables, milk or meat without some uproar!) But the thing with this darn cancer is that once your plan has been set you can't get any changes without huge penalty fees and paperwork galore. So, as much as I've been feeling that I don't want either surgery or radiation I will stick to the plan. And as long as I have to have surgery having Dr. B lead the team gives me great comfort.

Here is where faith comes in, not that it hasn't been a part of this process all along but it has been one of the more challenging pieces for me in the fatigued-state-of-late. I have assured Dr. B that there is no cancer left, that in the lumpectomy she will remove that darn breast cancer marker which marks where the cancer was along with some sacrificial cells and the sentinel nodes- that is all.

The doubt that arises in my brain when it's tired and worn out is what's hard to deal with. It's easy to be positive when you're well rested. And to that end I would like to thank my Aunt Verlinda and Uncle Rich for sending such a beautiful and uncannily well-timed card that I received Saturday. The quote is from Hebrews 11:1 and reads: 'What is faith? It is the confident assurance that something we want is going to happen. It is the certainty that what we hope for is waiting for us, even though we cannot see it up ahead.'

It's the 'cannot see it up ahead' part that's been tripping me up these last days but as I get farther from the last chemo session my strength and energy are returning. It's such a boost to see how quickly that happens and that just reinforces to me that I am strong and healthy.

For those of you tracking the progress of the 'ultimate in comb-overs', news on the northern front is the hair is getting thinner (how is that even possible?!) In these last five days I've had a profusion of hairs come out. Now, keep in mind there was not a profusion to start with but comparison to what remains it's still substantial.

In light of this recent exodus I may just shave my head for Halloween and be done with it. My only concern is that those few hairs do provide some R-value, however scant, and with the cold winter winds right around the corner keeping the remaining few hairs is appealing. Though with the beautiful new winter caps my dear friends Lori, Sandy and Beth have knit for me and with the ever-so-sprightly knit hat my sister had made for me I will be in good stead against those brisk breezes. Thank you to all of you for your thoughtfulness!

Many requests for pictures of the new sassy wig have been elicited from folks outside the metro area, including from those as far away as Blaine, MN which is pretty much on the way to Duluth. The wig really is charming and more styling than I'd ever do on my own. It's so easy to wear- just shake and go- try one and you'll never want to go back to the hassle of having all those hair products cluttering up the bathroom! (Back me up on this, Terry and Dave!) A hearty thank you to my Mom and Dad for making it all possible. So here it is, the state of the hair:

A photo my Dad took of Janis and me on the day my hair started to fall out in the car ride down to treatment number two. At the suggestion of my friend Maria I had just cut my hair short in case it start to come out.

These are photos from my 40th birthday/the wig preview party. Chuck and Wendy hosted the festivities at their beautiful home. They made the party for twenty plus people seem like a little intimate affair. Many thanks to them!

Mom and Dad came up for the party which was lovely. Mom said they were there for the first one and wanted to be there for the fortieth one as well. Having my family and friends around me was such a delight!

Thank you to all of you for your continued support. I have been wrapping your blanket of love and support around me and take such comfort in it. I would welcome your extra support right now and ask for your best thoughts and prayers on Monday morning for the highest and best outcome possible, a beautiful, minimally invasive surgery and a gentle recovery. Thank you!